If someone had told me ten years ago I would be on a catwalk
in front of a large crowd of people I would have laughed, but over the last
month I have spent three days taking part in Katie Piper's catwalk show: Confidence: The Secret.
So a bit about me, I was born with a genetic condition
called Crouzons syndrome; the condition affects the appearance of the face and
skull. It has been a struggle, particularly as a teenager; my parents tried to
make things as normal as possible for me but time off school due to surgery and
hospital visits meant my teenage years were a little different. School can be a
difficult place for anyone who is set apart from the ‘norm’ - looking back I
realise now if it hadn't been the way I looked, I would probably have been
singled out for doing my homework on time, or getting good grades. People would ignore me or call me names or
threaten me. How I looked elicited such a strong reaction that I was actually
assaulted because of it. I remember being chased home by five boys a few years older
than me; I managed to make it home, bang on the door and my step dad chased
them away - I was about 12 at the time. The reactions of other people severely
affected my confidence as a teenager and young adult, it would stop me going
out socially and I would be afraid of meeting new people because of worry about
their reactions. I felt different to everyone else, and I didn't like my face,
so much so that I decided that I wanted to have further reconstructive surgery.
I was told it would have no medical benefits but it could ‘improve’ the
appearance and shape of my face. I thought long and hard about it and decided
that in order to feel better this was what I needed to do. However it wasn't to
be, I woke up expecting my face to look different but the surgeons felt the
procedure too risky and stopped the surgery - I was heartbroken.
That’s when I realised that this was it - this was what I looked
like and it wasn't going to change. For me, this certainty helped. Looking back
now, in some ways I'm glad the surgery didn't go ahead. It made me think about
appearance and what it meant to me and the people I loved. All the negative
reactions had come from people who I wouldn't ever dream of associating with -
so why was I concerning myself with that? I don’t feel my appearance defines me
as a person, when I describe myself it doesn't factor into it. I wouldn't say I
think about the appearance of my face very often. I have everyday worries about
my weight, my height, getting the right fit in clothes. I take care of myself
and think about what to wear or my hair - as Katie would say it’s about being
the best version of myself that I can be.
When the charity asked me about being involved in the show I
wanted to be part of it because of the message: that living with a visible
difference does not define who we are, and we can be confident, and look
confident. Traditionally on catwalks
there is a view that to be on stage you need to be what society deems as
‘beautiful’, but who defines beauty anyway - where does this come from. It's
changed over time - previously the curvy figures of Marilyn Monroe and such like
were sought after, and now this has changed to coveting the size 0 body. Beauty
products are modelled by people with flawless skin and perfect hair - so what
about the rest of us who don’t fit the mould, who look different to the women
on the adverts and on the TV? We still use the products and wear the clothes so
surely fashion and beauty needs to take this into consideration?
It’s been a journey getting to this place, to be able to
stand on a catwalk in front of people and feel confident and I'm sure there
will always be days when I look in the
mirror and wish things were a bit different, but that doesn't make me different
to anyone else. My appearance does not stop me doing things; sure when I first
meet people I wonder how they will
respond, but in my head now I think if someone is going to judge me, or respond
to me in a negative way based on my appearance then I don’t really want to be
around them anyway!
Doing the show I was lucky enough to meet amazing, beautiful
women, and their stories touched me in some way. Everyone had overcome
something very challenging and difficult and when that happens we have a
choice, and the women I met all decided to fight and not let their difference
define them. This strength came shining through as confidence, a confidence
that they could do what they set their mind to and not be held back by negative
views of others. Indeed one affirmation was ‘happiness is not comparing
yourself to others.’
My affirmation was ‘Who I am is enough’. A friend shared
this affirmation with me, and to me it means that I don’t need to try and be
someone else or seek to be different from who I am. I feel it has a powerful
message.
I am passionate about helping people who are experiencing
distress related to living with a visible difference, particularly social
anxiety. My research at Sheffield university currently focuses on developing
support for people living with skin conditions for example alopecia and acne.
For me, my experiences have given me insight and awareness into living with a
visible difference and I hope to use this to help others.
Kerry.
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| Kerry at The Ideal Home Show with Katie Piper and fellow models |
I hope you enjoyed this post and if anyone has any questions for Kerry about her or her research, please let us know and we can put you in touch! We're looking forward to more updates from Kerry about her work progress in the future and wish her the best of luck!
Victoria x
www.prettybald.co.uk Twitter: @PrettyBald
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