I'm Kay, your new blogger here at Pretty Bald and I'm delighted to be part of it! As an absolute novice in the field of blogging and writing my thoughts down in any kind of coherent way, here's hoping I do a good enough job and keep you all interested, entertained and informed!..
So, with this new post being so close to Valentines Day and so soon after the lovely Jen appearing on TLC UK's "Too Ugly For Love?" (#TeamPete!), I thought I'd share a few of my thoughts and experiences on the minefield that is dating.
Now, I lost the hair on my scalp around 6 years ago (2009). During that time, and for around 18 months after, I was in a relationship so I never had to worry about revealing myself to a new love interest and having that awkward encounter. However, when I became single I suddenly thought.. ah, this is going to be tricky. My self esteem was at an all time low back then and not a soul knew about my alopecia minus my parents and a very select couple of friends. I dated boys and kept my bald head a complete secret and as a wig wearer, that was very easy to do.
Let's jump to 2012 when I finally met others with the condition at the first BeBold conference in Durham. Finding BeBold, and through their event discovering Alopecia UK, I've gained a confidence within myself I never thought I'd have. I'm comfortable in my skin. While the condition isn't pleasant, it isn't convenient and was soul destroying in the beginning, I can't change what's happened to me and the way my body continues to attack itself... but I can change my outlook and I have!
However, while I'm happy in myself, the fear I have of how others perceive me has never improved, or at least how I feel the male sex will perceive me.
We all want to look like Jennifer Aniston, right? I can't be the only girl to have walked in to a hair salon (albeit many moons ago for me personally) and asked for the latest Rachel Green do! We all want to feel attractive and for whatever reason, be it due to social media or whatever, beautiful flowing locks is a part of that.
So for the last three years (crikey, I've been single three years!!) I've experimented with different approaches towards men and the Big A (alopecia, just so you know).
Guys I haven't really been bothered about - gone on a date with just to pass the time - I've told, if it came up in conversation, because their opinion of it didn't matter to me..
"Your hair looks nice". "Oh, thank you. It's a wig. Yea I have Alopecia. Yes it's real hair, it's just not mine. Thanks for dinner!"
A boy I particularly liked I kept it from, for fear of him rejecting me because of it, however, I was gazumped and he found me out! Bringing it up very tactfully he said his mother was a hairdresser and he noticed my hair line around my ears. Bugger. After that I actually didn't hear from him again.. Am I being paranoid?
And finally, and please don't be offended by this, I even told a boy once to try and put him off me! Because I have this thought ingrained in me that no man wants a bald girlfriend, so by telling him he'd go away without me having to tell him the actual truth - that he was just plain boring!
But that's not right, is it? I have many alopecian friends who are in relationships, who have met their partners after their hairloss and as we've seen from "Too Ugly For a Love?" being bald makes no difference to how attractive we are as a person. And that's what matters isn't it, our personalities and our souls. Nobody wants to be, as my Nan would say, a "good looking nothing".
So, what would you all recommend? How do you/have you gone about telling potential boyfriends/girlfriends of your condition? What can I do to boost my confidence in this area? I'm completely baffled and, ideally, would like the answer before Saturday so I can nab myself a fella and don't have to spend Valentines Day alone, in my onesie, watching Take Me Out!
I look forward to reading your comments. I apologise for writing a book ;)
Much love, Kay x